Sunday, July 20, 2008

Discipline

Duct tape can be a bit expensive...does anyone know of a cheaper way to get this done? :) (velcro? masking tape? super glue? We heard that Elmers is on sale at Staples this week...)
At house church this morning we were fearfully convinced that we should expect a season of testing from our dear little Tessa. "Not my child", was my first reaction, but just to be safe we thought we should be pro-active just in case a few of Allison's recessive genes slipped through. If you do not live around here you may not know that the Fieldhouse genes are incredibly strong. So far we have not seen too many traits of Allison in Tessa but we may be seeing some soon. (Rumor has it that Allison was a pistol growing up.) We are going on vacation here in the next week and hope to get some reading done. So, if you could recommend one book on raising children, what would it be? We are a little leary about taking suggestions because we haven't heard from any of our friends that they have this parenting thing down. So, only give us the ones that work, please...we're on a limited time over here.
Thanks,
Parents-in-training

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

LOL....that is funny! We just read 1-2-3 Magic....worked like a charm for us on Hugo....Tessa may still be a little young...but its never too early to try! The VWaals

Nerida said...

Having a sense of humour is a great skill to have and keep when your are parenting your child.

Looks like you have that.

Otherwise, if you are pushed for time I would recommend that you invest some of the time you do have in attending a playgroup or similar.

Latch onto a parent who seems to have it all down pat and suck up the wisdom.

Chrissy Padilla said...

Song of Songs

Anonymous said...

Well...let us know if you found a good one! Finally found you guys again--great to hear what you are up to and see your little doll! Glad to hear that all is well. We're doing well in Bakersfield and loving being a parents.
Blessings,
Dana (Kigen and Cara too!)

lee said...

hey kids!

after 24 years of parenting here's what i got for ya:

i got a lot of good material from parenting with love and logic. i think they have a toddler version. i read it several times.

that said, what i mostly learned from all the self-help reading i did on parenting is you take what seems valuable and see if you can apply it to your kid. no one system will fit you or your precious tessa or any following fieldhouses.

each kid is different. you find out what gets to them...with anne, we just had to look at her sternly and she either confessed or promised to stop whatever she was doing. with clayre, we learned to give two options that we could live with - give her a crazy "if this then this" and she'd see if you meant it. with owen, it was time out all alone somewhere - he loves to be around people and he often needed to cool off. with dirk, take away a privilege like reading aloud or playing on the computer (yes, even as toddler). also, i had monetary fines for certain infractions when they were a little older. what makes tessa tick?

your kids will smell it on you if you are iffy...follow through on what you say and she'll learn you mean it. if you don't want to take her inside for the rest of the day, don't make it a threat. (anyone who went in the street went inside, but i like to be inside!) if you mean no, say no and do not give in. advertisers know most parents give in after 6-9 whines/attempts by their children. stay strong, that's my advice. otherwise don't bother saying no.

finally, when jeff took christian perspectives on parenting (know as CPOP back in our calvin days) for interim, they said any kind of permissive parent (loving or distant) got the worst results for raising well-adjusted children. loveless, authoritative parenting produced more well-adjusted children. you want to be in the authoritative & loving catagory.

after this epistle, maybe i should just write a book ... you kids are loving and fun and i wish you'd been my parents!

lee

Kent, Tammy, and Hannah Eilers said...

How about three?

Cline and Fay, Parenting with Love and Logic (1990)
Kimmel, Grace-Based Parenting (2005)
Holly Catterton Allen, Nurturing Children’s Spirituality (2008)

Blessings.

Mark Vander Ley said...

Mark and Alison,

Hey, we did that Duct tape trick with High schoolers in my youth group. You will still be able to use that discipline technique when she is a teenager, way to Go!!!. As for the book to read. I have to reiterate what a few others have already said. Parenting with love and logic is the one. I teach it to families that I deal with at work and use it at home. it has been very helpful.
Mark VL

Anonymous said...

Is this technique in Dr. Dobson's Dare to Discipline book?

Tom and Kate said...

I was just browsing...you probably dont even remember me from high school-but I cant pass up an opportunity to share! We highly recommend the Growing Kids Gods Way program... Its not about methods and techniques like every other parenting book. The book series that goes along with this is the Babywise, Toddlerwise, Preschoolwise, Childwise, Preteenwise and TeenWise. This is an amazing thing that actually teaches you Biblical principles and then how to transfer that to the hearts of your children. We have four wonderful children and it is working! Our kids love the Lord and know how to make others more important than themselves. That is what we are working for!! And this program/book series has encouraged us to do the thinking and praying that has taught us the standard and then how to bring each child to it! Just thought Id share! Parenting is such a process...growing us parents up along the way!!